The FEAR of moving forward: Free your mind...someone needs you

How many times have you wanted to dive into something, something you are so sure that will invite happiness, joy, fun, and excitement only to quit the process before you are out of the gait?

Or, how many times have you wanted to get over something, like eating too much, feeling too lazy, or wanting to end a unhealthy relationship, but the thought of moving forward without that thing was too uncomfortable?

Or, how about an unwanted event that highlighted a feeling of being a victim of abuse, or being neglected, or running into a series of financial hardships, and you keep harping on how this terrible event, person, or situation has now held you back in life?

All of these situations have one thing in common, the inability to move forward. As a therapist that has worked with over 10,000 individuals the most common rut I see people in is just that, the inability to land toward a tomorrow, today.

We have to remember that in the "now," there is no path forward or backward, all your skills, talents, gifts, and key characteristics that make you, you are here now.

When we begin to think about letting go of what has hurt us, and typically it's the judgment around it, then we can begin to carve out a picture, or a feeling of what in life would feel slightly better than where we are in the present lane.

As painful as it can feel, many of our stories we tell ourselves are designed to keep us in the story. The narrative is compelling, so tragic, or has so much negative charge around it, that we can't seem to get out of the way. Recently, I was working with a woman who had a litany of "disorders," past drug use, a physical attack in an alley, an unloving family, or a family that perceived her to be functioning at a level she didn't feel capable of. When I asked her what she truly wanted to happen in her life, she listed all the great things most people do, from good health, to making more money, to having great friends, and to find a connection to something that gave her life meaning. When I asked her what part of her story was she willing to rewrite, let go of, or forgive herself for some of her actions, she looked at me with a blank face.

Give something up? Let go of pain? Let go of a negatively charged story ? She had to really think about it. What I asked her to do was to feel her story, not think her story.

Our stories are so automated, we tell them over and over and over keeping ourselves the hero or victim, either way, it's old news. What we might want to do is feel whether the story serves the current energy, and is it a vibrational match for what we see or feel within our true nature?

The reason why change is hard is because we have to make a different choice in the moment then the one we have been making. This requires conscious awareness, and the recognition that repetition cannot lead to any new expereince, it just circle around the same wagon. We also have to be able to face the fear that says that any change can actually make something worse, not better.

This is important to recognize in any trauma driven experience, the road ahead, in certain persons' minds is worse, then where one is standing today. It's just too hard to have a relationship (who can you trust, what if I get hurt, what if another "me" comes out), start a business (what if no one likes the idea, what if I fail, what if I'm judged), moving away from family (what if I'm judged as selfish, not loyal, running away).

The fear of moving forward can be managed by: how does it feel to imagine the thing/direction/idea you want? What comes up for you as you deepen the feeling around it? What voice creeps in to tell you to hesitate, it's not worth it, etc. Whose voice is that? Is it judgment, doubt, lack of worth, lack of value, lack of importance, fear of financial obligations, loss of freedom?

When you can harness that moving forward in your life is necessary, and that we can welcome change by choosing, in the moment, something slightly better than what you are feeling, we can pull ourselves in the direction. You want to really uncover what you are believing to be true, and then dig deeper. Something you want to create is always needed, and if you are doing things from your higher passion, and in service to others, someone out there will want what you are sending.

It's your journey, dive in!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv5xonFSC4c